The Tough Life of Reality
by Eddy Fawkes
Summary: The result of my insanity. Giovanni gets so fed up with Jessie, James, and Meowth that he fires them not only from Team Rocket, but from television altogether.


* * *

**The Tough Life of Reality**

* * *

**Author's Note & Disclaimers:** I feel like a broken record! I own NOTHING! Oh yeah, Tsunekazu Ishihara and Satoshi Tajiri are the creators of the animated Pokémon series, in case you were wondering.

**Rating:** K **Why?:** I just wrote this to have fun...

* * *

"So you understand that because of your, ahem, unlimited amount of failures," Giovanni stated matter-of-factly, "I'm banishing you from television forever."

"What?!" Meowth screeched. "Boss – you wouldn't do that to your old Meowth, would you?"

"Yeah," protested Jessie, "can't we at least do one of those other anime shows like Sailor Moon or something?"

"I've tried to get you reassigned to every television show possible," Giovanni explained. "Even Teletubbies rejected you."

"We'll still get to live in Japan though, right?" James asked.

"I'm sorry, but you'll be living in _America_." DUN **DUN ****DUN**

"AMERICA?!"

"Yes," Goivanni said, "so pack your bags." He sighed with relief as Jessie, James, and Meowth left. He ran a hand through his graying hair and rubbed his back, which had been giving him pains for the last five years.

* * *

Thus Rachael Lillis, Eric Stuart, and whoever does Meowth's voice left to pursue better careers, called on only occasionally by Nintendo to do the voice of a nobody on the television show of Pokémon. Jessie, James, and Meowth, however, were not only sent to America by way of airplane but also by way of the train of reality, which changed them from anime cartoon characters to people who were no longer manipulated by Nintendo. They no longer needed Rachael Lillis and Eric Stuart to provide voices for them, since they had voices of their own. They were, in all ways, truly American.

Well, almost.

"I don't like pizza! I refuse to eat it!"

The flight attendant simply ignored James and put the pizza (obviously ordered by Jessie) on the table between them. She left after saying the totally overused waitress term, "Enjoy your pizza!"

Jessie grabbed a piece of pizza. "How are you going to survive in America if you don't like pizza, James?"

Meowth was doing exactly what he had been doing for the entire flight. He was using Jessie's compact to examine himself. Since Meowth did not exist in the world of reality, he had been changed to a being that most closely resembled him: a tabby cat. His speech was not impaired, though (darn!); perhaps because he had been the only pokémon that could talk. "I look awful!" he complained. "I'm all skinny and I don't have a charm!"

Jessie turned her attention from the pizza to Meowth. "Are you done with my compact yet? I want to see what I look like in reality."

"No," Meowth replied. "I have to finish criticizing myself. I mean, look at this fur!"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll have to rely on James to tell me what I look like." She sighed as if saying, "great".

"Er..." James began to blush slightly. Jessie had become a lot prettier now that she was no longer a cartoon. The funny thing was, her hair had remained its natural pink color, but it wasn't all swirly. Before they had left Japan, she had used about a bottle and half of hairspray on it, but it wouldn't become swirly. It was just too long. James had thought of suggesting that she get it cut at a beauty parlor, but he might just as well have asked to die. When she was a cartoon, she could do anything she wanted with her hair, but since we're now dealing with reality, the best thing she could do was tie it in a bun at the back of her head with a small amount hanging down to her waist. In other words, she looked like Sailor Moon with her hair in only one bun and not quite so long.

"Well?!" Jessie demanded. "What do I look like?"

James was saved from more blushing by that fake-sounding voice on the airplane that said, "We are approaching our destination of New York City. Please remain in your seats and turn off all electronic devices until further notice."

A few seconds later, the former Team Rocket members stepped on American – well – blacktop.

"Yay!" Jessie said. "It's a free country! No more annoying lines!"

James followed her, reading off a piece of paper. "Yes. No more TV shows where you have to read off a dumb piece of paper..."

Meowth snatched the piece of paper and ripped it up. "You don't have to memorize any more lines, dummy! We've reached the land of the free and the home of the...um...er..."

"Bears!" Jessie grinned. "I think..."

"Well," Meowth sighed, "if we're going to live in a foreign country, the first thing we have to learn is its national anthem."

* * *

The former cartoon characters walked down the crowded streets of NYC. A lot of people stopped an stared at them (hey, I know this is wacky NYC, but looking like Halloween came a few months early, plus the hair color and a talking cat is just not the fad).

"The people at Nintendo got us reservations to the Park Avenue Hotel for a week," said Jessie.

"OK," said Meowth, "start looking."

They were standing on their toes, looking for the Park Avenue Hotel above the crowd, when an interviewer just happened to come along."Hi," she said, readying her pencil and notepad. "I'm taking a poll on why people dye their hair different colors." She turned to James. "So may I ask why you dyed your hair blue?"

James' face assumed a totally baffled expression. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

She stared at him directly. "Your hair is blue. Why did you dye it that color?"

James grinned. "Oh. I didn't dye it. It's 100 natural."

"Oookay." The interviewer turned to Jessie. "Might I ask why your hair is pink?"

"Do you have a problem with pink hair? Are you just prejudiced or something? 'Cause if you are..." Jessie reached in her skirt pocket. "Aagh! Where's my mallet? Where is it?!"

Meowth provided an answer. "This is the world of reality, Jessie. That means people can't pull mallets out of tiny skirt pockets."

Jessie collapsed to her knees and banged a fist on the sidewalk. "Oh woe is me! Doom! Despair!! Nooo!!"

The reporter left, exhibiting an expression that seemed to read "Oookay...hopeless cases...bunch of wackoes..."

"There it is! I see it!" Meowth pointed to the Park Avenue Hotel as he hopped above the crowd.

* * *

"This is great!" James bounced up and down on the bed while Jessie channel-surfed through hundreds of channels.

Meowth strutted up, a serious expression lingering about his furry features. "We need to have a little chat."

Jessie switched off the TV. "Oh really? What about?"

Meowth frowned. "We've entered the real world now, so you can't exactly go prancing around town in your Team Rocket uniforms."

"Oh," Jessie laughed, "I've got that all taken care of!" She grabbed her suitcase. "I don't know about James, but I brought a whole suitcase full of clothes!"

James' and Meowth's mouths fell open. She was always so prepared for everything it made them sick.

In a few minutes, Jessie came out of the bathroom. She had changed into a pair of shorts and a black tank top. Meowth glanced at her for about two seconds, then looked back at the TV. James, however, was a different story. Maybe it was because he was human, or maybe it was just because he'd had more experience with girls. If he hadn't bothered to think about it, his mouth would have been hanging open, and only one thought crossed his mind.

_Jessie's sooo pretty!_

"How do I look?" Jessie did a brief spin.

James stared at her a bit longer. "Absolutely-"

Meowth cut him off. "I'm hungry. Let's get some food."

* * *

At that moment, in some secret place that shall be known as the Nintendo Headquarters, Tsunekazu Ishihara and Satoshi Tajiri appeared before the richest man on Earth – the owner of Nintendo.

"What did you do with them?" he growled threateningly.

"We fired Rachael Lillis and Eric Stuart, sir," Tsunekazu reported.

"Good, good," replied the gruff voice. "And about Jessie and James? I assume you found some way of making them leave the show?"

"Oh yes," Satoshi replied. "We sent them by way of the train of reality to New York City. They're staying at the Park Avenue Hotel, all expenses on Nintendo."

"What?!" boomed the richest man on Earth. "The train of reality is only used by _popular_ cartoon characters, not scum like Team Rocket! Get me the leader of the FBI! We'll have to do something about this…"

* * *

Lunch had been a short-lasting entertainment; Jessie, James, and Meowth were once again enjoying the luxuries of their hotel room. They had found a pretty interesting show on the television…

"Look!" Jessie crowed. "There's Cassidy! She's still two-dimensional! Nyah-nyah!"

"Those kids!" James pointed out. "They look so wimpy as cartoons!"

They both waited for that annoying little voice to remark on something, but there was only silence. The dynamic duo turned their heads to find Meowth with a big tear rolling down his cheek. (That's something new. Never knew tabby cats could cry.)

"What's wrong, Meowth?" Jessie queried.

"N-now that I've left-sniff-Anime Land-sob I'll never be the B-Boss' top cat again! Me-ow-ow-owth!"

James' face brightened up. "Hey, I left Jessiebelle behind in Anime Land! Now I can have the girlfriend of my choice."

"Oh really?" Jessie smiled sweetly. "And who would that be?"

James opened his mouth and was about to speak when there was a knock on the door followed by a stern warning. "Open up! This is the police! We have a warrant for your arrest!"

James looked at Jessie, ashen-faced. "What are we going to do?"

Jessie wandered over to the window. "How high up is this building?"

Meowth quickly reprimanded her. "You guys can't jump out of windows anymore! We're not cartoons! You'd go 'splat' on the concrete and all that would be left would be a bloody mess!"

The door began to come off its hinges. "No time to think! We must act!" James attempted to act like movie star James Bond by grabbing Jessie around the waist and jumping out the window. Meowth, being a faithful kitten, jumped out the window after them.

The police finally managed to break in, and just at that moment, the head policeman remembered something. "I think the FBI was supposed to take this floor! We're supposed to be up one!"

Meanwhile, our villainous heroes plummeted to the, er, concrete-hard concrete below.

"Jessica?" James whimpered.

"Yes, James?" The truth was that Jessie didn't mind James using her full name in times of peril. It was under normal conditions that she'd whack his head off.

James chose his words carefully. "Your beauty can never be adequately equaled or therefore bypassed, although many would barter vast quantities of whatever is most precious to them to obtain a smidgeon of your looks."

"Huh?"

"He thinks you're pretty," Meowth translated.

"Oh. Why thank you, James."

"Jessie?"

"Yes?"

"Excuse me," interrupted Meowth, "but has it occurred either of you numbskulls that we will hit the concrete-hard concrete in less than five seconds?"

James pondered Meowth's question for a moment, then returned Jessie's blank look. "No. Usually something happens, like a bird catches us or we land in a plane or something."

"Like I've been telling you," Meowth sighed, "this is the world of reality. That means people don't jump out of ten-story buildings and survive."

"Does that mean… Ahh!" Jessie and James clutched at each other. "We're all going to DIE!"

Luckily, our favorite villains landed on a canopy, bounced twice, and then opened their eyes.

James stated the obvious. "Yay! We're alive!"

A few minutes later, they were running down the street, convinced that the police were still hot on their trail. James spotted a large, white building. "Come on! This looks pretty empty! We can hide out in here!"

They stepped inside and at once the air conditioning shocked them stiff. Nevertheless, they continued down the hall, failing to notice the sign that said, in big, red, capital letters, WARNING--CONSTRUCTION.

As Jessie, James, and Meowth stopped to admire their surroundings and the whiteness of it all, the floor began to crack. Construction workers-- you'd think they'd put up more signs!

With a big KABOOM, our villainous heroes fell through the floor, landed on hard tiles, and found themselves staring into the faces of none other than Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet!

And some interviewer guy, but that's beside the point.

Well, maybe not, because he's the guy that gave Team Rocket the biggest compliment they'd ever receive in their entire lives!

He said, "You two are perfect to star in this film! Simply perfect!"

"But- but-" DiCaprio protested. "I have to be in the movie Titanic II! Everyone loved me in the first Titanic move!"

"I'm sorry," said Mr. Interviewer, "but having the same people in it would ruin the charm."

Thus, Team Rocket became famous movie stars, so even the FBI couldn't arrest them. They were purely American!

Almost…

"No! We can't go to Pizza Hut! I swear I'm allergic or something! Nooo!"


End file.
